The Epidemic of Eliteness

“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig.

I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people:

Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject?

And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.

And he went WOW. That’s amazing!

And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not any good at ANY of them.”

And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before:

And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could “Win” at them.”

The origins of the story are fuzzy—it’s often credited to Kurt Vonnegut—but that’s almost the point. It’s been passed around so many times because it speaks to something universal.

Why do we feel this way?

We’re living in what I call an Epidemic of Eliteness. Somewhere along the way, “excellence” got twisted from a Virtue into a pathology.

People repeat lines like “How you do one thing is how you do everything” as if it’s gospel. But it’s nonsense. I don’t approach jiu jitsu or guitar with the same intensity I bring to being a father. And I shouldn’t. We’re not meant to be flawless—we’re meant to prioritize.

The truth is, humans are limited. We trade time and energy between pursuits. You can excel in one area while being average—or even bad—in another.

And that’s not failure.

That’s life.

Because this pathology is crippling us mentally as a society.

You see, we’re creatures of comparison—and when we are bombarded over and over again with messages of how everyone else is richer, in better shape and their kids play for a better "elite" travel team,

it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind.

But if you can learn to change the way that you view personal excellence, or "winning"—what you’ll see is that it’s impossible to fall behind when you’re running your own race.

Above Average At An Above Average Number of Things

I want to confess something to you—I’m not elite at anything.

Not one. single. thing.

I like to say I’m “above average at an above average number of things.”

I’ve been lifting weights for over 20 years, yet my numbers are nothing special—the world’s most OK strength stats, nothing that would turn heads.

I’ve trained jiu jitsu since 2013, and I’ve been a purple belt for eight years. For context, plenty of people earn their black belt in 8 years.

I can grind out a 15-mile trail race, but I’m still the slowest runner on my team.

So why keep showing up if I have no intention of becoming "elite" or "competitive"?

Well…

Because each pursuit called to my soul in a different way.

Each one added a piece to the puzzle of who I wanted to become.

The point was never to be elite—it was to become more complete.

And that’s the perspective shift I want you to consider: it’s not about being better than anyone else—it’s about being a better version of yourself.

And I think that’s the big perspective shift that is worth investigating.

Crafting That Vision

We’ve been conditioned for years to measure ourselves by comparison—how we stack up, who we outrank, what trophies we collect.

And while chasing “better” than others is empty, the longing underneath it is real.

It’s the desire to belong to a tribe, to be seen as capable, respected, and worthy.

So instead of letting comparison drag you down, let’s redirect it. Let’s use that same instinct as a doorway into vision.

First: Picture your circle.
Who would you want sitting around your fire—the ones you’d trust with your family, your dreams, your hardest battles?

Notice what draws you in: their calm, their strength, their curiosity. That’s your soul pointing to your values.

Then: Ask who you need to become.
What kind of man would you need to be to sit at that fire—not as a guest, but as a brother? What skills would you bring? What energy would you carry into the circle? What mindset would you embody?

This isn’t about changing yourself to fit in. It’s about using your admiration as a mirror. The people you respect reveal the kind of man you were meant to grow into.

When you do this, you’re setting the coordinates in your unconscious GPS. You’re giving yourself a North Star. And over time, almost without realizing it, you start to live into that vision—step by step, choice by choice—until one day you look around and realize: you’ve become the man you once only pictured.

Two Ways to Pursue Excellence

There are really only two ways to pursue excellence: externally measured or intrinsically driven.

Externally Measured Excellence

This is the scoreboard approach. Your success depends entirely on how you stack up against others. If you lift more weight, run faster, earn more, or look leaner than the next guy—you feel like a winner. But the moment someone surpasses you, your “confidence” evaporates.

This isn’t real confidence—it’s comparison disguised as motivation.

It creates what I call pick-me energy—the needy, desperate drive to prove yourself to the world. That energy is exhausting to live with and exhausting to be around. And worst of all? Even when you “win,” it’s empty. You’ll eventually realize that nobody cares as much as you hoped they would.

Intrinsically Driven Excellence

The alternative is intrinsic drive. Here, the scoreboard is internal. It’s not about where you rank—it’s about whether you’re living up to your own standard.

Intrinsic drive is built on two pillars: vision and stewardship.

• Vision is the ability to see who you’re capable of becoming, and letting that picture pull you forward.

• Stewardship is the responsibility to develop and use the gifts you’ve been given—not for applause, but because you owe it to yourself, your family, and your community.

With intrinsic drive, excellence is about the process—showing up, refining your craft, and stewarding your gifts, regardless of who’s watching.

Why This Matters

Intrinsic drive takes you off the treadmill of comparison and puts you in your own race—not anyone else’s.

Because just like that old story reminds us—it was never about being the best.

Excellence isn’t about winning; it’s about wholeness.

And that race is yours alone to run.

Much Love,

PS- If you want to learn how to play your own game in fitness- grab my book, MetaPhysique. I didn’t write the book to tell you the “one true way” to get in shape- I wrote it so that you can understand how to create your own plan that fits into your life.