MetaPhysique Weekly #015- Presence

Picture two dudes at the pool—both around the same age, same stage of life.

Man #1 – The Easy-Energy Dad
He’s clearly strong—broad shoulders, fit frame—athletically lean but not shredded. He’s laughing with his kids, eating the burgers that he’s grilling for everyone, joking with friends and having a beer or two.

His energy is relaxed, inviting, magnetic.

People like being near him because he makes them feel lighter.

Man #2 – The Jacked Pool Guy
Every ab is visible. Veins pop out of his arms. His tan is flawless, his trunks designer, his look curated to perfection.

He’s got the kind of physique most men secretly envy.

Yet, he’s by himself. His energy says “Look at me, validate me.”

People feel like they’re being judged when they’re around him, they feel uncomfortable.

Even though his body is impressive, his presence is brittle, rigid, and a little off-putting.

His "discipline" has left him unable to be present in life, because all he can do is congratulate himself on how great he is for having so much willpower.

What It’s Really About

What you just noticed has nothing to do with abs or biceps.

It’s about energy.

We think a physique will automatically bring confidence and magnetism.

But in reality, it’s not the muscles—it’s the energy behind the muscles that people feel.

The Big Problem – If/Then Thinking

Most men fall into the trap of If/Then Thinking:

“If I get to 10% bodyfat…then I’ll feel confident.”

“If I can deadlift 500…then I’ll finally feel strong.”

And we apply this IF/THEN thinking to other areas of life too…

“When I make X amount of money…then I’ll be respected.”

The reality?

When you hit one goal, the goalposts move.

There’s always a new standard.

You never give yourself permission to feel confident.

And so you radiate chasing energy—the vibe of a man who’s never enough.

Even if your body or income improves, your presence weakens.

People feel the insecurity behind the achievements.

What We’re Really After

Strip away the noise and what we’re all chasing comes down to two things:

Ease. The ability to simply exist without self-consciousness.

Magnetic presence. A vibe that makes people want to be near you.

And mind you, this can either spiral up or down.

I can set my own standards and live by them. Which causes me to release negative judgment of my perceived flaws, which allows me to release judgment of perceived flaws in others. Which makes me more magnetic, draws people in. Which then boosts my confidence and spirals me up.

Or I can spiral down. I live and die by external validation. I judge myself harshly, then judge others the same way. That energy pushes people away—so I chase validation even harder.

Here’s the deal—your physique can ABSOLUTELY be a strong addition to your presence, making you more magnetic.

But what matters (A LOT) more than the body fat percentage or deadlift numbers is the energy behind the physique.

If your jacked physique is built on insecurity, the energy it projects is needy, try-hard, and brittle.

And as a result—all your hard work in the gym actually detracts from your presence.

My Own Chase

I’ve lived this:

When I first started lifting, it was to get noticed. I just wanted to fill out my lanky frame: “If I can just hit 200lbs, I’ll be a beast.”

Then I hit 200lbs and thought—what good is being big if I’m not strong as an ox.

Then came 5 years chasing deadlifts, pull-ups, and the “Beast Tamer” kettlebell challenge (never did get that press).

After pursuing strength in the gym, I thought…what’s the point? Where is the application?

So I started jiu-jitsu, because having a huge deadlift and not knowing how to fight is lame.

Then I realized that I could barely finish a 5K. What’s the point in any strength or fighting ability if I have no gas tank? So I started running.

Every time I checked a box, another appeared. I was always chasing, never satisfied. My confidence was built on a moving target.

This is an exhausting way to live. Something had to give.

The Shift – Presence Over Physique

This is when I realized that I would never hit a deadlift number, 5K time or level of bodyfat that would allow me to finally just be confident.

My confidence was going to have to come from within.

And this is where we have to stretch our minds to accept that 2 things can be true at the same time:

The confidence, the easy energy, the magnetism…

Comes from playing your own game, setting your own standards and keeping your word to yourself…and ultimately from being on the path of improvement…not necessarily the end result.

When you do this—energy behind the pursuit comes from a place of “Let’s see what I’m capable of”...which is uplifting and encouraging for others to be around.

If your pursuit comes from a place of “I need to do or be X in order to be good enough”—your “discipline” will just come off as self-flagellation and need for validation.

The difference between the two men at the pool wasn’t muscle mass. It was:

• Ease vs. tension

• Grounded confidence vs. validation seeking

• Integration vs. obsession

The Easy-Energy Dad isn’t worried about how he looks eating ice cream with his kids. He doesn’t need validation, because his standards come from within. His confidence is self-sustaining, which is exactly why people want to be around him.

The Takeaway

Here’s the truth: presence beats physique every time.

Yes, your body matters. But the energy behind it matters far more.

So ask yourself:

• Where am I postponing confidence until I “fix” something about myself?

• What vibe am I actually projecting when I walk into a room?

This week, stop waiting for the perfect body, the bigger paycheck, or the next achievement to give yourself permission to feel confident. Instead, practice presence: smile more, laugh easier, engage fully with the people around you.

In the end—it’s not the physique.
It’s the energy behind it.

Much love,

P.S. Coaching for the Whole Man

When I coach, we don’t just chase numbers in the gym. We look at your entire life—so you get both the physical transformation and the energetic upgrade.

If you’re ready for more than just workouts, hit reply and let’s talk.